Back To School Aisles

It’s getting closer to that time that we all dread. Letting go. Summer is in mid swing with the shadows of fall lurking in the distance and the aisles at stores are filling up with back to school items. The latest super heroes are finding their places onto new lunch boxes and back packs.

 I remember how overwhelming it was the first year I realized that I wouldn’t be taking my daughter school clothes shopping anymore. She could take herself. The years of choosing back packs together were being replaced with her very own checking account and searching for apartments. It is enough to take any mother’s breath away, especially when you have a good relationship with you kidlet.

You know that the world is full of hard knocks and lessons learned and I am here to say that my baby was not above being saved from some of those lesson. She has had her heart broken by boys… had falling out with roommates… moved more times than I can count, had cars towed and gotten in a few accidents, not to mention the parking tickets. But the thing I hold on to is, she has survived it all.

She has graduated from school, obtained agents and fallen into some great job opportunities as she continues to reach for her goal of being an actress. Another thing we have both had to survive. Being an Actress is filled with rejection which for her is not easy to take and for me watching, is not easy. As parents, we spent a lot of time protecting and preparing our kids from some of those hard knock life experiences. We can’t help but be hesitant to push those babies out of the nest and yet we need to embrace the blessing of being able to let go and enjoy the flight.

Think about it… how sad would it be if the mother bird kept one last egg all to herself? She thought that she was protecting that baby and yet she was actually hindering it’s life. We have to remember that letting go is part of the process. We can’t sit on those eggs forever!

I am here to say it is survivable. It is a growing experience for us both. I know friends who’s kids still live at home and they don’t appreciate one another as much as I enjoy my kids. Life is a series of events and one big one is letting go.

While, those aisles of Back To School items still “get” to me every year, I have to say, I am glad for the next phase. I earned it. Sure, I enjoyed the times when I was needed for a ride to and from where ever it was that my kids needed to go and our talks to and from, time together during those rides. But I can’t say I miss the fights to get kids up in the morning and pack lunches and find homework while struggling to be on time for it all. Today, I get myself up and am beginning to write a new chapter.

I am learning to embrace the part of life that includes me, myself and I and as I pass by the Back To School aisles I may get a little melancholy but I realize that there is more ahead for me and Back To School Night has been replaced with a writing class for me!

Survivors

As we go through life, we take on different roles. Daughter, Sister, Wife,  Mother, Aunt, Friend and eventually Grandmother. We take advice, and later even offer it. The life we live along the way prepares us for the roles we take on. Our stories all have lessons we each can learn from. Even our struggles and sorrows are eventually gifts of wisdom. As survivors of different trials we go through, we can offer hope and guidance for others when they see us come out of our own valleys without the battle scars they fear. And what scars we do retain, we can wear them as badges of honor for we are SURVIVORS.

The red flags we learn to be aware of, the lessons learned, the wisdom we can offer all are important pieces to the puzzle. Sometimes some of the pieces are missing and it takes a long time to find where they fit in order to see the bigger picture. But once all the pieces are in place, all the lessons are learned and all the pictures are made, we put them all back in the box, shake it up and make the pictures all over again!

Preparing for the Empty Nest As your daughter Takes Flight

I remember this time of year before my daughter left for school. I dreaded it. I was the kind of mom who made my kids call me before they crossed the street, long after other mothers set their kids free. I wasn't a helicopter mom hovering over their every move but I have to admit that it was hard letting go. Luckily, my daughter and her friend house sat for their drama teacher during Spring break and part of the summer so I had practice by the time she truly moved out.

I have survived my empty nest for almost five years and so I feel that I am a seasoned expert. Today, my daughter still calls HERE home and yet I pretty much know that it might be where her heart is but her residence is four hours away and I am okay with that and would really want it no other way because if she came "home" it would mean that her dreams did not come true and I want her dreams to all come true.

I do have a bit of advice that might help, my very first suggestion is about keeping in touch. I have had so many mothers crying to me about how their kids don't keep in touch. My suggestion is to set up your expectations ahead of time. When my daughter lived alone, I requested that I would get a text that she was home safe. It could be as simple as:  HOME . I was blessed to have my daughter always text I love you along with it but our rule was I didn't get the text until she walked in the door and I trusted her and I believe that for the last four years she never missed a text.  Today she lives with someone and I have since calmed down. Though I stand firm in my beliefs that if you set up the expectations early, you can eliminate a lot of worry by agreeing on the texting rule. Especially if you pay the bill.

The next rule of thumb is when looking for your daughter's residence, just keep in mind that if they have a car, you need a parking place!!!!! If there is no parking place, take my advice and MOVE ON!!! My daughter was told that parking was not a problem in one of her places, she signed a one year lease and was stuck circling the neighborhood and walking several blocks many nights and then having to get up many mornings to move her car because of parking signs. Scope out the neighborhood, look at NO parking signs, ask neighbors and read reviews! Don't count on the leasing office to tell you about the problems. Talk to the leasers before signing the lease.

Try to find places that don't have long leases. It is hard enough to let go and know that they are happy and excited to move out and start a life of their own. But if they are not happy, I think that it may be just as hard on the parents as it is on the baby bird! Room mates and living alone, all takes adjustments... be as aware as possible that they may move a few times. My daughter has moved five times in almost five years. Expect to help a few times...

Today, I love spending time with my baby. She will always be my very best friend. We have such fun times when we are together. I love our times when she comes home or I visit her. But honestly, each time, we say "see you later" it is bitter sweet. Her life is so busy and her dreams are all coming true and you know what? Mine are too. I am here to say that it was so hard to let go but it does end up to be okay. You WILL survive and find new dreams of your own. I promise!

There's No Place Like Home

Sometimes we have to wander far away from the storm, trying to find the rainbow, before we realize the lessons we have learned along the way. We encounter those looking for wisdom and courage and love and want to be a part of their journey. Perhaps we think that if they find it, so will we. And so... we get caught up in the seeking, we are fooled by our own desires.

If we are lucky enough to find out that the little man behind the curtain is only a little man behind the curtain, then we are ahead of the game. But more than not, we seek the answer in all the wrong places. We put hope in the world and we follow the beat of what the world deems popular rather than looking within and finding that in the end, all that we ever needed was always there for us... in our own backyard and that there really is; "no place like home."

Like a Humming Bird...

I chose humming birds as my theme for the background design of my blog. I feel as if they represent a part of me that  lingers in mid air, waiting ... but for what, I really can not say. The hope of something more...  I guess.
 I have friends who faithfully fill their humming bird feeders. I have joked with them that bird watching is the sign of old age but they laugh as if they have a secret. At the risk of exposing their true age... they don't seem to mind as they patiently wait as they watch for the appearance of  these magical little creatures arriving for breakfast. It is a delightful sight and as far as ny friend are concerned, the more the merrier. Each little bird lingers in mid air, biding patienly for their turn.

The dance is breath taking. As they slowly get their fill they depart as quickly as they arrived and the moment has passed. Like life, I feel as if I was invited to partake in the dance, I lingered in midair and enjoyed the sweet nectar but just as quickly, it all happened so fast. It is like a sweet memory as the little feeder hangs empty waiting to be filled again.

Life Is Hard... AND~ Being stupid just makes it harder!

Life is hard... Being Stupid just makes it harder. And I am not referring to someone's intelligence, I am referring to choices people make in their own lives. I can go right down the list; it can be as personal as the one you fall in love with, to the the people you choose to surround yourself with and it can be referring to the way we handle our finances, or the way we handle our attiude in our daily life. If we gossip or take the higher road and just plain don't.

Being stupid can be done behind closed doors or it can be done right in the open. On the highways or in line at the store. Have you ever heard yourself say something that you wish you could suck back inside? Or have you ever let something eat at you until you have let it take over your whole day?

Stuff happens to all of us. Job stuff, personal stuff, family stuff, financial stuff,  and the way we decide to handle different situations is our choice. Just like over eating or consuming too much alcohol, we have the choice every minute of every day.

A few years ago, we lost our store in an earthquake. That was one shining example of being out of control or when I lost my last baby. That was out of control. But what comes after it... is our choice. I have been going through some life changing things lately and made some real stupid moves that I dearly regret, and yet am learning about me through it all. I watch as other people make some pretty dumb choices... and someday, hope that my lessons I am learning, my story, may help others not be as stupid as I have been. But I stand by my quote of the day... Life is hard and being stupid doesn't make it any easier!

Who Is Driving Now?

My last car was a stick shift. My husband predicted that I would be sorry that I got it. But with just a year of payments left on it, I am still loving it. I wanted a sun roof too but that's okay. I walked past a convertable the other day and my heart skipped a beat. Forget the sunroof! I know what I want next! Smile... and sigh... because I know that is not what I really want. What I really want is my youth back!

I remember once when I was about twenty. My friend's dad had bought an old refurbished T-bird convertable. He wanted to take me for a spin in his classic car to show it off to me. With a "Kenny Nolan" tape playing in the tape deck we whipped around the hills of Palos Verdes. I remember thinking... he is having an affair. His wife was sick and had not been a wife to him for years. It turned out that I was right. I got some of their furniture out of that divorce for my first little apartment. It was very sad.

I remember thinking how old he was and marvling at the fact that he was listening to songs about new love and feeling that it was all very "creepy" at the time. I look back now and have to laugh. He was younger than I am now and that memory has come back to hit me smack in the face. As I find myself in a legitimate Mid Life Crisis of my own. I am officially grieving my youth.

Recently I have had the opportunity to go down memory lane with an old friend. And it has felt good. To lose myself in the fantasy of the past and what could have been to help numb the reality of today where all those dreams I had to look forward to were lost like that classic little white T-bird. I play my own love songs now and mourn for something more than just an old love but for the girl I was so many decades ago, driving around the hills of Palos Verdes feeling sorry for the old man in the driver's seat.